Getting My 'Wouldn't It Be Lovely'

Self doubt is, in my opinion, one of the most self destructive things a person can do to themselves. It's the root of some of the greatest mistakes, regrets, and missed life changing opportunities in most people's lives. Yet, we all do it. We take the job doing the same thing we have done for 10 years because we don't think we can do the harder job. We don't apply for that course because we think that we wont be able to pass it. We don't go and talk to that person we have spent the entire night looking at across the bar because we think that they won't like us. We have all been there. But, if we take the leap, the chance to do something that we thought we could never do, it can feel amazing.

I had a moment like that this morning.

I hopped on a bus to Dublin at 9am this morning to head to Trinity College Dublin. For my readers who aren't familiar with Trinity College, its the highest ranked University in the country, it is the oldest University in the country, and it has produced the best minds of the country for centuries. Getting into Trinity, whether to do an undergrad or a postgrad, is a long and hard process. It is in my opinion, or was, waaaaay above my ability level. As an undergrad, I did reasonably well. I was always a person who did reasonably well in nearly everything I set myself completely to. I rarely fail at anything, but then again, I rarely think I can do anything more than average.

So when I came home from Thailand and was completely sure I wanted to be a teacher I knew Trinity was where I wanted to do my Masters. Did I think I could honestly get a place? Hell no! I come from a family where my Grandfather was a porter in security, and my father started his many years working in Trinity cleaning kitchen floors at 15. I grew up thinking working for Trinity would be the closest I would ever get to going there. It was a dream up in my head, a nice idea, a 'wouldn't it be lovely'. I applied to every college in the country that offers my course, and I surprisingly got an interview with Trinity. I went in, put on my best 'I am not terrified' face, and tried to convince them to ignore my average results and concentrate instead on my volunteer work, experience teaching abroad, and my passion for English and History. I went home, considered the interview an experience to learn from, and refused to let myself think that I could actually get in.

I did.

I have to say, and I am not an emotional person, but I choked up a little crossing the road at Dame Street this morning to head through the massive front gate as a student of Trinity College. 2 years of Leaving Certificate lockdown, three years of college, a year of travel and teaching, and a year of building up thousands in savings, here I am.

In this rat race, we should allow ourselves a little leeway. We shouldn't spend so much time thinking we can't, and a little more time thinking 'maybe I can'. Its amazing what we can achieve if we give ourselves the opportunity.

Amy