Life Realignment; Digging Yourself Out Of The Rut.

Its easy to get into a rut. One minute you are living your life, thinking that things literally could not get better, and with one fine swoop and a few drastic decisions, you find yourself relating to Meryl Streep. As strange as that sounds, its very true and will be explained. I have been finding it hard to write about my life and its twists and turns these last few weeks as I simply kept saying 'I have nothing interesting to write about'. Truthfully, I had interesting stuff to write about, I just didn't want to write it as it involved facing a few home truths.

When making the decision to attempt the life of an Irish emigrant, you think of things like food, and fitting in abroad, and missing home. Then you find that it all doesn't go exactly to plan and home isn't where the heart is, its where family is, and you suddenly find yourself looking at 'Failte Abhaile'. Coming home to a country is one thing. Coming home to your old life is another. I know I have previously written about getting back to western life after coming home and facing the rat race and cheese sandwiches, and I really did think that would be the hardest part about coming home. I was wrong. I never really talked, or thought, about how you get your actual life back. You know, that one where you went out with your mates every weekend and went for lunch on weekdays and spent days off in the city. You think when you leave that if you ever decide to come back it will all just be there waiting for you. Coming home to Ireland in it's current situation, the truth is very different.

I was watching 'Its Complicated' earlier tonight, having a few glasses of wine and relaxing on the couch, when I came to a shocking realisation. One of her friends, during a dinner scene, told Streep's character 'If you want your situation fixed (of a sexual nature, or more lack thereof) you need to date someone. Anyone'. Now, although slightly different, I realised I had become Meryl Streep. I was, am, in a rut. I came home after 8 months away to find that my sister had her own life in Dublin's fine capital, my parents were working and living their lives which for 8 months had not included me, and of some my friends had either moved on to jobs or further education in Dublin City, while the majority had simply emigrated in my time jaunting around South East Asia. I now live in an extremely rural town where I know nobody after three years in University and one year abroad, and I spend my days working and my nights sitting on my couch.

Depressing right? Yes. Fixable? Yes. I realised, like Meryl Streep in the cheesy rom com, if I wanted my situation to change, I had to change it myself. Nobody is going to arrive on my doorstep from the US or Oz, or come from Dublin and forget their new friends and life up there, and I couldn't ever expect them to. I need to find a new life. That's the realisation when you come home from a long term absence to your old haunt; you can't get your life back, so you have two choices

1. Sit and wallow in a pool of rosé wine and 'The Late Late Show' feeling pathetically sorry for your 22 year old single self like something out of 'Bridget Jones's Diary'.
or
2. You can get up, wear something else other than your pjs on your day off, actually open the make up bag and do something with your 22 year old single sorry self and throw 'Bridget Jones's Diary' out the window (metaphorically of course. Its not really that bad a movie)

So, I have enrolled myself in a few classes. I have done my research and realised that where I am living may have an opportunity or two for life realignment. I have enrolled myself in a Zumba dance class to get the endorphins going with a bit of cha cha cha and jumping up and down like something possessed, and I have found a yoga class near work to wind down in the evenings. I am also signing up for a fun make-up class next week along with possibly a bit of volunteer work in the locality with some teenagers.

It can be easy to get in a rut. A rut is comfortable. A rut doesn't care if you wear make up, or gain 6 pounds in a week, or check your facebook every 3 minutes out of sheer 'dunno what else to do'. But its lonely. There, I said it. That's what I have been avoiding admitting and writing about. Coming home from an exciting Thai life to live with your parents is against your life expectations and its bloody boring. But, like I have always said, this blog is the truth about life. Its admitting the hard bits because to leave them out isn't reality. So I am donning my tough attitude that so many people know me for and saying to myself

'Ye, you have a problem. So what? Get over yourself and fix it. Then, no more problem.'

Hmmmm. Well, we will see how good that attitude works after 20 counts of 'Tree Pose'.

Slán.